Off With Her Head...Erm...Hair
I’ve always claimed to be high maintenance…except I do all my own maintaining, and I’m only as high maintenance as my circumstance allows. I’ve been rather peeved with myself of late…or more specifically I’ve been peeved with my hair. Don’t get me wrong, I love my hair, it keeps me girly and feeling pretty, but god damned it’s getting in my way and takes work to make it presentable in public.
You might notice I almost always have it up in braids when I’m out in the wilderness, that’s because I suck at hair styling, and braids are the only thing I know of to keep my hair from attacking my air passage (yes, my hair has taken up the “Eat me!” attitude and has on more than one occasion attempted to suffocate me). I’ve never been one of those girls that figured out how to do intricate pretty French braids back in kindergarten…somehow I fell asleep through that class too. I can’t build a fucking tent and I can’t style my hair, how the hell did I sleep through all the important crap? Should I just feel lucky I figured out how to feed myself and tie my shoe-lace?
So…I’ve been thinking of chopping all my hair off…not just trim it, shave it ALL off. Why not just do it already? Because I’m scared. Yeah, there I said it. I’m scared of shaving my hair…and you know what? According to my blogging habits, the moment I admit I’m scared of something, I’ll just go out and do it because I am a god damned idiot. Someone call the police when I say I'm scared of petting poisonous snakes.
What am I so afraid of? Well…um…without hair…people will focus on your face…and who knows, maybe people will realize I’m really not all that pretty and will suddenly find me hideous without the distraction of hair? Now before you go and feel like maybe I lack self-confidence…let me reassure you, I am a great many faults, but I don’t lack self-confidence.
My favorite example of this is, a few years back, I did a solo backpacking trip around Europe for six weeks. One night, I got bored of being alone, so I thought I should find someone to hangout with. I noticed this adorably cute guy sitting a table away checking out some guide book. Now, I’m really stupid awkward shy (<--major fault) at the worst moments…this would be one of them (hey, I’m a programmer, we aren’t known for social grace and poise). I could not, for the life of me, figure out a way to go up and say hi…so I figured if I got his attention, he could do half the work…so I threw a peanut at him. Yes, I hit the poor unsuspecting stranger with a peanut. He lucked out I was eating something light…I could be eating beef ribs. Anyhow, we talked and hung out, so it was a happy story…the two of us cruised through 3 different bars in Berlin and ended up in some really awesome goth club playing amazing industrial music. At the end up the night, our intro somehow came up…and he made a comment of, “You know, you could just come up and say hi. Throwing peanuts at me was kind of rude, I almost got up and left.” My reply was a simple statement, “No, you weren’t.” He wasn’t going anywhere far as I was concerned…so yeah, I don’t lack confidence…I’m just a bumbling idiot a lot of the times.
Back to shaving my hair…don’t worry about encouraging me or discouraging me. My guy friends that are encouraging me are freaking me out…they seem excited about it. Down, boys! My friends that are discouraging me…I love them, and while I understand it’s nice if I try to improve their view by being less of an eye-sore, I am by no means contractually obliged to do so. My sister HATES the idea, she got really upset when I mentioned it to her…she told me I shouldn’t do so, and that she refuses to have any part in it. I told her, “Yes, I know you would refuse to shave me. I’ve already got Brian on stand-by.” I figured my best friend would lop all my hair off, I’ll cry because I’m a silly girl, he’ll give me a hug and we’ll go out for beer. Then when I go into work and people ask what happened to my hair, I’ll just tell them, “Brian and I got drunk and he shaved all my hair off.”
I’m at a point in my life where I “can” actually do this…I should take advantage of that while I can. I figure if need be, I can make up for my lack of hair with personality...and by personality I mean a padded bra.
You might notice I almost always have it up in braids when I’m out in the wilderness, that’s because I suck at hair styling, and braids are the only thing I know of to keep my hair from attacking my air passage (yes, my hair has taken up the “Eat me!” attitude and has on more than one occasion attempted to suffocate me). I’ve never been one of those girls that figured out how to do intricate pretty French braids back in kindergarten…somehow I fell asleep through that class too. I can’t build a fucking tent and I can’t style my hair, how the hell did I sleep through all the important crap? Should I just feel lucky I figured out how to feed myself and tie my shoe-lace?
So…I’ve been thinking of chopping all my hair off…not just trim it, shave it ALL off. Why not just do it already? Because I’m scared. Yeah, there I said it. I’m scared of shaving my hair…and you know what? According to my blogging habits, the moment I admit I’m scared of something, I’ll just go out and do it because I am a god damned idiot. Someone call the police when I say I'm scared of petting poisonous snakes.
What am I so afraid of? Well…um…without hair…people will focus on your face…and who knows, maybe people will realize I’m really not all that pretty and will suddenly find me hideous without the distraction of hair? Now before you go and feel like maybe I lack self-confidence…let me reassure you, I am a great many faults, but I don’t lack self-confidence.
My favorite example of this is, a few years back, I did a solo backpacking trip around Europe for six weeks. One night, I got bored of being alone, so I thought I should find someone to hangout with. I noticed this adorably cute guy sitting a table away checking out some guide book. Now, I’m really stupid awkward shy (<--major fault) at the worst moments…this would be one of them (hey, I’m a programmer, we aren’t known for social grace and poise). I could not, for the life of me, figure out a way to go up and say hi…so I figured if I got his attention, he could do half the work…so I threw a peanut at him. Yes, I hit the poor unsuspecting stranger with a peanut. He lucked out I was eating something light…I could be eating beef ribs. Anyhow, we talked and hung out, so it was a happy story…the two of us cruised through 3 different bars in Berlin and ended up in some really awesome goth club playing amazing industrial music. At the end up the night, our intro somehow came up…and he made a comment of, “You know, you could just come up and say hi. Throwing peanuts at me was kind of rude, I almost got up and left.” My reply was a simple statement, “No, you weren’t.” He wasn’t going anywhere far as I was concerned…so yeah, I don’t lack confidence…I’m just a bumbling idiot a lot of the times.
Back to shaving my hair…don’t worry about encouraging me or discouraging me. My guy friends that are encouraging me are freaking me out…they seem excited about it. Down, boys! My friends that are discouraging me…I love them, and while I understand it’s nice if I try to improve their view by being less of an eye-sore, I am by no means contractually obliged to do so. My sister HATES the idea, she got really upset when I mentioned it to her…she told me I shouldn’t do so, and that she refuses to have any part in it. I told her, “Yes, I know you would refuse to shave me. I’ve already got Brian on stand-by.” I figured my best friend would lop all my hair off, I’ll cry because I’m a silly girl, he’ll give me a hug and we’ll go out for beer. Then when I go into work and people ask what happened to my hair, I’ll just tell them, “Brian and I got drunk and he shaved all my hair off.”
I’m at a point in my life where I “can” actually do this…I should take advantage of that while I can. I figure if need be, I can make up for my lack of hair with personality...and by personality I mean a padded bra.
posted by SteakGirl at 8:57 AM
3 Comments:
“Rapunzel had magnificent long hair, fine as spun gold, and when she heard the voice of the enchantress she unfastened her braided tresses, wound them round one of the hooks of the window above, and then the hair fell twenty ells down, and the enchantress climbed up by it.”
Don’t we all want a visit from the enchantress? Maybe this is why the prospect of cutting one’s hair can be Grimm for more than fairy tale or Freudian reasons.
I came across your blog because of its title. I thought it might be a reference to Stanley Cavell’s “The Pursuit of Happiness” – a book too few people read. I wonder if you know it?
Cavell is, I think, America’s most important 20th century philosopher (an ordinary language philosopher, to be more specific), a sensitive and nuanced reader of Freud, Shakespeare, and Hollywood comedies of remarriage, and someone with the ethical passion (and, I would claim, importance) of a writer like Viktor Frankl. I think you might like him, and I think he might like the idea of your haircut.
loved the ending of your post. so did you do it? did you shave your head.
Hmmm, I have not heard of Cavell, but I will be ordering a couple of his books soon, if his writing style is anything like Frankl, I would love him. I recently started reading Frankl, and oddly enough in the middle of reading Man's Search, he actually made Dostoevsky's writing retrospectively make sense to me. I've read Notes From the Underground 3-4 times in my life, I could not make any sense of it until that moment. Thanks for the book rec.
No, I haven't cut my hair yet, I need time for a proper shave and follow-up booze fest. Time is not my friend lately.
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