New Career Option

I’m back. I was starting to feel like maybe something has shifted, perhaps the recent storm in Saturn has caused some kind of cosmic shift and I am no longer the creepy guy magnet. Perhaps my turning to a pesco-tarian (cheater-vegetarian) has some kind of hidden karma impact. Shyeah…I’m pretty sure even if I shave my hair and become a vegan Buddhist nun wearing a giant burlap sack, I will still draw in the creepy guys, my magnetic power varies depending on the season, but it’s always there. It’s my lesser known super power. Yay, me.

What sparked on this new power discovery aside from god-awfully bad pick-up lines? Which, just between you and me, I pretty sure the guy wanted to call me Justin because he’s a homophobe with a little boy fetish.

Well…it started much much longer ago, but things have calmed somewhat, I had a lot of random strangers asking to rub my head when I first shaved it…but that was pretty much the weirdest. Then last night, as I was leaving my climbing gym, I got a call from my sister who wanted to talk about a potential new restaurant site, so I figured I could stop by her sushi joint for some sushi and for a quick chat. When I got there, there were a few people sitting at the bar that I had to say hi to. As I was chatting with this sweet gay man named, Rueben who was complimenting my haircut because he hadn’t seen me in a while, this random dude cut in and said to me, “NICE RACK!” Rueben and I stopped chatting and stared at the guy while he lowered his voice just a touch, “No, really, you have a really nice rack.” I started laughing and said, “Well, thanks a lot, my girls don’t get enough compliments, that’s really sweet of you.”

Mind you, when I left the gym I intended to head home to shower, so I was still wearing my sports bra which looks like its solution to keeping a woman’s breasts out of the way during sports activity to is push ALL of the breasts up around the lady’s neck. So this guy drooling on me isn’t shocking. Still Rueben and I tried to continue our conversation with him asking when did I get my haircut but the guy stood there still staring at my chest and said, “I can’t stop staring at them, they’re just beautiful.” Okay, I used to frequent bars and clubs in very skimpy clothing, so I’m used to guys ogling my breasts, but it’s really something else when you’re at a sushi restaurant chatting with a friend and there’s a guy looming over you that can’t stop talking about or staring at your breasts.

I pulled my tank top up around my neck and moved over to the sushi bar area to have some food with my sister. I was starving. Before I could start chowing down, one of her customer (not the same boobies perv) came over to talk to her and she politely introduced me as her sister. The guy looks at me and said, “You have the most gorgeous lips.” I thanked him. He said, “Really, you have the most beautiful lips.” Okay… he was ogling my lips in a creepier fashion than the nice-rack guy. Then he said, “I teach a seminar on *gestures with hand in back and forth motion over mouth, fingers forming an “O” shape*”. I said, “Oh, gee…that’s nice.” My sister said, “What!?” I almost kicked her for unknowingly encouraging him. The guy said, “Yeah, I teach people how to suck cocks. You have such nice full lips, you should come model for me.” I’m not sure I was ever one of those girls that dreams about strangers asking them to model for them…but I can tell you, I’ve obviously sat up at night praying that some stranger would ask me to be their cock-sucking model…and my prayers have finally been answered. Hallelujah! Then he asked if we’re really sisters, because we would be so much hotter if we were lesbian lovers.

I can’t make this shit up.