Racks and Hair Dye

Whew! This year has gone by fast. How is everyone’s holiday going? I hope you got the chance to spend some quality time with friends and family.

Myself, I got the chance to spend it with just about every person I really care for – including a bunch of old high school friends whom I haven’t seen in a long while. I saw my one token girlfriend, Gigi. I saw my high school clique, for the most part everyone stayed the same, except for my friend, Myra, who is now 5 months pregnant (which while slightly shocking was a bit expected since she’s been married for a long while now). They were extremely shocked that I’ve cut my hair so short and stopped eating red meat and kept asking if I was okay…perhaps I’ve hit my head or suffered from some horrible mental trauma. I’m surprised I could still shock them considering I’ve been the one that kept changing on them – perhaps I haven’t changed much in a while…but I’m very different from the girl they knew in high school. My favorite quote of the night had to be from my friend Nhan (keep in mind, this group is ALL Chinese), someone was asking if I was going to dye my hair red again and he said, “Oh, my god, I almost asked if you dyed your hair black, I forgot that’s your natural hair color.” We gave him the brilliant guy of the night award. It's a good thing he's an electrical engineer because we wouldn't want him doing anything important.

I went to a Christmas party with my old roommate, Dave. I got to hang out with my old drinking buddies which is very nice. The scariest thing about that night had to be all signs pointing to brain damage when I keep meeting people whom I’ve apparently met before through Dave that I didn’t recognize. I’ve prided myself in remembering faces even if I don’t remember names…but oops. I guess there was a point during that party phase that I was just meeting more new faces than I can remember too. One guy did make a mistake in having met me:

Random Guy: Didn’t we meet before?
Me: I don’t think so, although you wouldn’t be the first person I don’t remember here tonight…but I’m pretty sure I haven’t met you. Unless you happen to know my old roommate, Dave – in which case, I was probably too drunk to remember if I’ve met you. Do you know Dave?
Random Guy: No, I don’t know Dave, but you look like my friend Zoë’s girlfriend.
Me: Hahaha, no I don’t swing that way, I wish I did, but no.
Random Guy: Well, if it makes you feel any better, she’s hot and has a nice rack.

I guess if someone is going to accuse me of looking like some lesbian, it ought to be a hot lesbian with nice tits.

Merry Christmas

My family is Buddhist so we don't exactly celebrate Christmas. Every year, we get together, work our asses off at our family restaurant (this is actually fun), then all the kids get together...maybe get baked and go to see a really dumb movie, good times.

I wish everyone a wonderful Christmas. And cheers to whirled peas (stolen).
With Love.

I Love You Too, God.

If there is a God, he is probably clutching his chest, falling over, laughing while point at me right about now, we FINALLY got some new snow on the mountain:

Still More Inappropriate Jokes

Okay, it turns out please-come-help-me-teach-my-cock-sucking-class dude is gay. I thought he was gay…but he was making my skin crawl the way he was looking at me and my sister. Oh, did I mention I attract creepy gay guys too? Come to think about it, every creepy gay men I’ve met are through my sister, she’s a creepy gay magnet. What makes a gay guy creepy? Well…they’re the guys who thinks just because they are gay, they are entitled to fondling women. Yeah, her creepy gay friends seem to think it’s okay to come up and grab my breasts. While I understand it doesn’t do anything for them, it’s still my body and it’s still not cool.

Onto less creepy topic…so about 5 coworkers and myself went up for night skiing last night. One guy, Sto, left about two hours earlier than the rest of us because his team just finished their project. I carpooled with my buddy Daniel and Jason. When we got up there we met up with our buddy Fraser and headed off to the lift. As we waited for the lift, Fraser got a call from Sto’s wife…we can hear Fraser trying to calm her down and telling her we’ll give him a ride back. Fraser gets off the phone and said, “That’s was Sto’s wife, apparently he just got kicked out because he got caught getting a blowjob in the bathroom and his wife is pissed and wanting to come get him.” We all screamed, “What!?” After a long pause, Fraser laughed, “Haha, just kidding, he broke his arm.” Somehow, we all felt better about our friend breaking his arm and simultaneously said, “Oh.”

We were already halfway up the mountain so we rode over to the lodge to check on our buddy. We got there and saw Sto looking decently chipper. I looked at him and said, “Oh, dude, I’m so sorry… What the hell is that ghetto ass cast you have on?” He has the most make-shifty sling on, his arm was in a brace made out of cardboard box that looks like Costco soda pop tray quality, and the brace was tied to his neck with something that looks like cheese cloth AND they padded the box with a piece of old shag carpet. Apparently that’s what they do for people breaking themselves, they barely bandage you up, don’t give you any painkillers and send you off to find your own way to the hospital. After checking to see that his arm isn’t in danger of falling off, I mentioned, “I call dibs on being the first to draw a penis on your cast.”

Edit: You know...now that I think about it, the nice-rack guy could possibly be gay too, which could explain why he felt like he was entitled to staring at my chests and talking about them for a good five minutes. So, all you straight men out there, if you want to cop a free feel here and there, just tell the women you're gay, because apparently that excuses all polite societal behavior. Also, Sto is doing great, we shuttled his car and stuff back...got him to the hospital where the doctors didn't find anything broken they think he must have dislocated something that popped back or torn a ligament due to the insane amount of swelling he had in his arm.

New Career Option

I’m back. I was starting to feel like maybe something has shifted, perhaps the recent storm in Saturn has caused some kind of cosmic shift and I am no longer the creepy guy magnet. Perhaps my turning to a pesco-tarian (cheater-vegetarian) has some kind of hidden karma impact. Shyeah…I’m pretty sure even if I shave my hair and become a vegan Buddhist nun wearing a giant burlap sack, I will still draw in the creepy guys, my magnetic power varies depending on the season, but it’s always there. It’s my lesser known super power. Yay, me.

What sparked on this new power discovery aside from god-awfully bad pick-up lines? Which, just between you and me, I pretty sure the guy wanted to call me Justin because he’s a homophobe with a little boy fetish.

Well…it started much much longer ago, but things have calmed somewhat, I had a lot of random strangers asking to rub my head when I first shaved it…but that was pretty much the weirdest. Then last night, as I was leaving my climbing gym, I got a call from my sister who wanted to talk about a potential new restaurant site, so I figured I could stop by her sushi joint for some sushi and for a quick chat. When I got there, there were a few people sitting at the bar that I had to say hi to. As I was chatting with this sweet gay man named, Rueben who was complimenting my haircut because he hadn’t seen me in a while, this random dude cut in and said to me, “NICE RACK!” Rueben and I stopped chatting and stared at the guy while he lowered his voice just a touch, “No, really, you have a really nice rack.” I started laughing and said, “Well, thanks a lot, my girls don’t get enough compliments, that’s really sweet of you.”

Mind you, when I left the gym I intended to head home to shower, so I was still wearing my sports bra which looks like its solution to keeping a woman’s breasts out of the way during sports activity to is push ALL of the breasts up around the lady’s neck. So this guy drooling on me isn’t shocking. Still Rueben and I tried to continue our conversation with him asking when did I get my haircut but the guy stood there still staring at my chest and said, “I can’t stop staring at them, they’re just beautiful.” Okay, I used to frequent bars and clubs in very skimpy clothing, so I’m used to guys ogling my breasts, but it’s really something else when you’re at a sushi restaurant chatting with a friend and there’s a guy looming over you that can’t stop talking about or staring at your breasts.

I pulled my tank top up around my neck and moved over to the sushi bar area to have some food with my sister. I was starving. Before I could start chowing down, one of her customer (not the same boobies perv) came over to talk to her and she politely introduced me as her sister. The guy looks at me and said, “You have the most gorgeous lips.” I thanked him. He said, “Really, you have the most beautiful lips.” Okay… he was ogling my lips in a creepier fashion than the nice-rack guy. Then he said, “I teach a seminar on *gestures with hand in back and forth motion over mouth, fingers forming an “O” shape*”. I said, “Oh, gee…that’s nice.” My sister said, “What!?” I almost kicked her for unknowingly encouraging him. The guy said, “Yeah, I teach people how to suck cocks. You have such nice full lips, you should come model for me.” I’m not sure I was ever one of those girls that dreams about strangers asking them to model for them…but I can tell you, I’ve obviously sat up at night praying that some stranger would ask me to be their cock-sucking model…and my prayers have finally been answered. Hallelujah! Then he asked if we’re really sisters, because we would be so much hotter if we were lesbian lovers.

I can’t make this shit up.

Snowshoes!

Today I went snowshoeing with my buddy Daniel. We noticed quite a few patches of yellow snow and we diagnosed a recent snowshoer as suffering from severe dehydration or radiation.

Photos from the trip here. Photo collection contains important trail information such as the actual location name according to the some 5-year-old boy walking by with a trusty pocket knife.

Oh Brain Cells, Where Have You Gone?

Friends don’t let friends snark while drunk. I woke up this morning and found this email that I composed last night while drunk off my ass and felt extremely grateful I had the good senses not to have hit the “Send” button before stumbling to bed. Apparently when I got home I checked my email and found one from a buddy of mine, and in my usual style of flowery compliments I wrote a snarky reply thinking I am a dear sweet genius. Reading the email this morning reminds me that drunk people just aren’t that funny. In fact, this drunk person was just flat out stupid.
I think I’m going to blame the bar I was hanging out at last night for my stupidity, aside from helping me kill much of my brain cells, I also had some of the worst pick-up lines used on me. The one that made me wince in pain on the guy’s behalf had to be this black dude stopping me as I was walking by, “Can I call you Justin? Because you’re bringing sexy back.” Dear sweet baby Jesus…my IQ went down by ten points just from hearing that.
Oh, before we hit that bar, we were at the very swanky Waterfront Grill bar. My sister's married friends were crazy drunk. The husband was loud, in my personal space and kept shouting that his wife's parents are still having sex THREE TIMES A WEEK - because obviously the world is a better place for having that knowledge.