Maybe...

Before you do anything else, WATCH THIS. Go on, watch it, because I will probably be making a million references to the Aluminum Falcon, and I don't want anyone to think I'm brilliant enough to come up with that.
I maybe, just maybe will get one entire weekend off. Golly jeez, two whole days, so much time whatever will I do? Snow camping!!! I’ve been so tired of looking at my backpacking gear and not being able to go anywhere with it. This is worse than being all dressed up with nowhere to go, it’s more like getting all dressed, then going into work and sit in front of your computer all weekend…wait, that’s what I do. Damn.
My buddies wanted to go to the Enchantments this weekend…should be interesting. Daniel went last weekend and he said it was snowing (which he enjoyed, because I had mentioned before the dude is insane), so I might end up replacing “interesting” with “a traumatic ordeal”.
Now understanding that it might be snowing this weekend if I do go, I figured I should be prepared for winter camping conditions. I went to consult with one of my fellow coworker who goes snow camping all the time. He sent me his packing list. Most of the stuff I have covered, but there are a few things that I will need to shop for tomorrow. My favorite item on his list is “Shawna”. That’s his wife. I asked him how often does he forget his wife that he needs to have her name on the packing list and where can I purchase my own “Shawna”? REI? Apparently he didn’t bring her on a trip and she made him put her name on the list for forever. He told me REI doesn’t carry “Shawna” but she could be available for rent. Sweet!
Still, if you don’t hear from me after this weekend, I probably got eaten by a bear...it's spring, so maybe gnawed to death by a baby bear, awww, how cute.

Game Developers = A.D.D. 5 Year Olds

One of my coworkers found a link to all these new LEGO Batman toys while doing some "research" for LEGO StarWars. Now there's a group trip to Toys R' Us to buy toys...they need not one but TWO cars to fit everyone. I'm not going, but the five year old boy+girl in me could not resist placing an order for the Catwoman set.
We're all drooling over this LEGO StarWars set, and it's all because it contains "R2-D2™ with serving tray!"...it just doesn't get any better than that.
This is why we end up working on freaking Memorial Day, we're just a bunch of Attention Deficit Disorder kids. The company should supply us with Ritalin if they want to increase productivity.
Eh, at least with most of the team gone, it's nice and quiet around here. I can crank up the porn.

Obituary - The Band

After working a good ten hours on a Sunday, I had about enough, and was in dire need of a drink. Brian’s band was playing at some event called a “DeathFest” where a bunch of different metal bands get together and play their hearts out, for $30 you get multi-staged metal starting at 11a.m. and the last act didn’t end till a little past midnight (I think). I knew I was going to miss Brian’s show, but I just wanted to see my best friend and have a drink so I made my way over to Fenix Underground (this is the nicest venue I’ve seen him play at, metal bands usually end up in the armpits of the world).
It was so good to be out…and I had forgotten Brian’s friend from New York is out here…CarrieAnne, the sweetest dominatrix there is (yes, she whips people for a living). I would be lying if I said she’s never flogged me before. Hey, I was curious what the whole S&M scene was about and she gave me a tour of the dungeon she was working at in L.A., so a little flogging thrown in wasn’t that out of place. I can honestly now say, that’s not quite my scene but I can understand why some people dig it. Just the visuals alone are much better than any Japanese anime porn.
So anyhow, Brian was really giddy last night because the last band playing was what he called “The Grandfather of Death Metal” or better known as “Obituary”. The band has been around for a little over 20 years, but they did break-up for 8 years...the singer quit, and became a programmer for a while. Heheheh. Programmer. They got back together not too long ago. Brian loves the singer so much, I 'm pretty sure he wants to marry him.
Trying to take pictures of a metal band is next to impossible because they all have crazy long hair and thrash around like a mofo. I can never quite figure out how they can headbang while singing/playing whatever instrument without strangling themselves or choke on their own hair. I can barely headbang without falling over and knocking myself out cold.
Also if I haven't mentioned how freaking scary the mosh pit can be, I saw a guy carried out from the pit with blood gushing from one of his eyes.

Compiling

Ah...life of a game programmer, forever compiling the project and trying to find random things to do...surf for porn, write a little blog, email everyone I know, kick a coworker...do you have a blog?...I'm probably reading it. My buddy just IM'd me asking if I'm at work. It's the Sunday before alpha is due, of course I'm working. Tomorrow is supposed to maybe be some kind of holiday? No clue what that is all about. People seem to get the idea that game programmers sit around and play video games all the time...we do that too, but damned do we have to work to make up for that.

Fat and Lazy in the Head

Oh stairs, how you cruelly mock me today!
After much sitting around and thinking after the hike yesterday...I realize this latest bout of people weariness wasn't caused by other people at all, but by me. This is why I love hiking to extreme physical exhaustion, when I'm completely physically beat, I don't have the energy to be pissy or nitpick at other people, I'm left with me. I realized I've grown mentally fat and lazy. I realize I've been long overdue to check out of my mom's house. When I first moved in a few years back, it was supposed to be temporary, but I've noticed I haven't made any real plans to move out. I've since then enjoyed sitting in a soft cushy pillow so much that I haven't tried moving from it...I'm honestly NOT okay with this. I'm sooo not okay that I'm getting irritated with myself and blaming other people, because I'm so obviously perfect and everyone else is flawed to the teeth. Well, if I'm so damned perfect why don't I grow some backbone, and get my shit together? Fall off a cliff and die already! Hey!!!
I realize I’ve stopped thinking really hard about where I want to go…oh, I’ll throw it the occasional thought here and there, but that only last till it’s time to go out for that drink. I think I need to move my lazy fat spoiled ass out of my mom’s house to do some serious thinking. Why can’t I do my thinking where I’m at? Well, it’s not like I plan to go brain dead while I’m working on my moving the hell out thing. (Dear god, I don’t want to deal with my mom crying over my moving out. Which she will. She’s given me every bit of freedom and space I needed to keep me there. I’m going to feel so terrible.) Thinking when I'm left completely to my own device is different. When my lazy spoiled ass have to suddenly deal with managing money and stuff like that, I THINK! I get creative too. Think about how you were in a happy comfy relationship…not much attempts to change yourself. Think about how much you suddenly decided you have room for improvement when you got dumped. If you’ve never been dumped, congratulations but I’m so sorry, you’ve been robbed of a great opportunity of a free shove for mental growth.
Being forced out of my comfort zone has a way of making me think thoughts that never really occured to me before.

...By Nature

How can you tell when you might be crappy for relationships and perhaps meant for a lifetime of solitude? When you’re a loner by nature. How can you tell if you’re a loner by nature? When being around people too much can drive you batshit crazy. When you absolutely need constant alone time. At some point, I get really crabby.

Random person: Hi, Champagne. You hair looks great!

Me: Why can’t you just fall off a cliff and die already!!?

See. Crabby. Oh come on, I only say that out loud maybe half the time. So, yeah, being in a relationship can be bad, how do you explain the need for so much time alone? Thing is, I am at least aware of this problem I have…whenever I get cranky at others for no good apparent reason, I try to go do something by myself.

Another thing that can really drive a loner nuts: the idea that you might be afraid to go somewhere alone. Like I actually enjoy clubbing and going to nice restaurants (this one is really important to a food junkie like me) alone. One thing I’ve been afraid of, trying to hike Mailbox Peak again…so that’s what I did today for my solo trip.

The day started out typical Seattle rainy. I was a bit worried that Mailbox would be impossible to hike due to the steepness and possible mudslide. It ended up being one of my favorite hikes. I sometimes forget how much I love being by myself. I guess I was always a bit scared of hiking solo in general because a little gal all alone in the woods might not be the best idea. Still, being the only person in the woods was so wonderful. You only hear the sounds of rain, random birds and creaky old trees. I could feel my people weariness draining from me as I hiked along. I think I might have been the first person on the trail due to my early start because from start to the peak, I didn’t see anyone. I did see a few coming back down, but up was nice and quiet.

At some point, I somehow managed to get myself lost because I saw, on one side, a pile of snow, the other side, big boulder field…everything shrouded in heavy rain and fog. I chose the boulder field because I really wanted to avoid the snow at all cost since I’m still sporting a bruise from my hike in the Bandera snow. It happens. Hike along on snow, bam, and your feet falls through onto a pile of boulders.

Boulder field sucks and it’s my new thing to avoid at all cost because you have 500 different flavors of scary that go with it. To name a few, you have the “Loose Rocks Scary”, “Sharp Rocks Scary”, “Wet Rocks = Slippery Scary”, and “There Is No Fucking Trail Here Scary”.
<--(So happy to be off the boulder field, I took a picture of the first flower I saw.)

I realize as I’m climbing along, that this might not have been the exact same route I took last time, but I figured if I keep climbing up, I’m bound to be closer to the peak that I was previously. After a scrambling around on a place I belatedly realize I should not be, I somehow found the trail…off the to side.

<---(I now have to tiptoe to pose next to that same box. Squinty eyes because of the wind...because I'm racist, and Chinese.) When I got to the top, I noticed ALL the snow had melted up there and a second mailbox that was previously buried along with a newspaper bin was exposed. The view was pretty much worthless, rain clouds everywhere. I really didn’t mind though since I did get the lovely view last time, and this time it was really for the hike.

View of nothingness. How zen. And suck. -->
I sat down, had some sammich and hot chai! If you’ve never had hot chai at the top of some chilly mountain peak, I recommend you go do that now! It’s the best thing EVER! The first time I hiked with Daniel, while we were shivering at the top of Mt. Si, he randomly broke out with the Jetboil and made chai, now I’ve never been a chai fan, but I have been ever since. It’s just really nice to sit around with a cup of warm drink when it’s freezing ass cold out.

Happiness is a cup of hot chai at the right moment.

Althogether now! --->

Curses of the Zero Hangover

Ever since I started hiking regularly, I've slowed down a lot in the drinking arena. So much so that I'm actually losing touch with my best friend and my sister. It's a bit sad to see how much certain relationship revolve around drinking. Although with those two I'm not entirely that worried. Brian has been through crazier phases of my life with me, we'll find some common ground again somewhere. With my sister, I've always known our friendship as hangout buddies would be numbered. She's simply always been too high maintenance for me, and I've always known it would be a matter of time before I get tired of her particular party style... I get tired of hearing I might be underdressed for some place she wants to go to, and I get even more tired of hearing her talk about her trip to my favorite dive bar like it's a field trip.
I'm becoming one of those boring people that stays home on Friday nights...but I have to say, waking up on Saturday without a hangover is nice. But you know what, waking up on Saturday at 6 in the morning and feeling like bouncing off the walls is a bit sick by my standards. I'll bet the worms on the trail will be like, "Hey can you shut the fuck up!? It's still early, I need my beauty sleep."
Gah! It was pouring last night and even now the weather looks unhappy. I hope the trails will not be too slick.

Guilt Trip of Men vs. Women

I mentioned work has been kicking my ass something fierce lately...if I'm not hiking, eating, reading or sleeping, I'm working. That's all I do. Now I've noticed ladies deal with my disappearing from the planet very differently from my guy friends. Ladies will call me at work or email me constantly about hanging out (I'm just as guilty of doing this, shame on me)...basically harass me till I get annoyed.
My buddies, dear god, they will kick you in the proverbial nuts. I don't get guilt tripped at all, but I get pictures of stuff I've missed.
They just went backpacking at Ingall's Creek. This is what I'm missing out on. --->


In case that doesn't drive the point home, I get a picture from the previous weekend snowshoe trip at Mt. Rainier. Then they mentioned something about how people brought their snowboards with them to Mt. Rainier, snowshoed up to the top and boarded back down. OH MY FUCKING GOD! Kick me while I'm down some more. I would give up my best friend's left nut (oh come on, I care for him, this hurts me too...it's hardly my fault I don't have the nuts to ante up, he could take one for the team here) to go this weekend and do that. Really, combining snowshoe with snowboarding...that's like hey, here's awesome and even more awesomeness...I can probably die happy after that. Yeah, but back to work and crying at the keyboard.

Losing It

Yesterday, somewhere around 4:30 in the afternoon, my sister calls me up at work. Her car had died, and she was waiting for the tow-truck to take the piece of junk to the dealer. I asked her if she had remembered to follow up on a couple things. She didn't. She mentioned wanting a drink, I said, "That's nice. I gotta get back to work." About half an hour later I surfaced from my programming haze and thought, "What the fuck is wrong with me!!?"
My sister called and said she was without transportation and I didn't even ask how she was doing and such. All I heard was her complaining about how I never have time to spend with her these days. This is true, we have Alpha coming up...she called me at work on Sunday complaining to me about the same thing. I was WORKING on a weekend. I guess I don't take too well to people giving me crap about my working too much when I'm on a tight deadline. But...that does not excuse me from being a good sister. I felt horrible. I called her back and asked where she was and if she would happen to need a ride or would she be able to get a loaner car. She wasn't too sure, but she told me she would call me back once she gets to the dealership.
This is a sign that I'm losing it. When I get so fucking busy with work that I'm typing away when my sister calls and couldn't even be bothered to check on her well-being. She might have a billion friends at her beck and disposal, but that's NEVER an excuse for me to not take the time out to worry about her.
She called me back a short while later saying the dealership will give her a loaner...so I went back to work.

Miguel Migs

<--(My old best friend, Kerwin, whose wife won't let him come out and play with me anymore because she thinks all cute women that are near her husband are dirty whores.) Miguel Migs was playing at Chop Suey last night. It was seriously the worst set I’ve ever heard him spin. Migs’ house is usually a deeper jazzy house, last night he was playing hard house…which to me, is about two steps from techno. It was still pretty good music, but it’s definitely not his best, which is usually mind-blowing good. Of course it had to be a night where I’m trying to introduce Sung to house music. Booo! A really good DJ can convert someone to listen to a certain type of music that they normally don’t dig.

I ran into a good few friends that I have not seen in 3-4 years…gosh it has been that long since I partied hardcore. A few years back, I used to party with this group of friends that were seriously the most hardcore partiers I’ve come across. By hardcore, I mean we party EVERY single night for months on end. I’ve stumbled home at 9 in the morning to shower and grab a change of clothes...work…then go out that night and rinse repeat. The guys would compete to see how many freaking days they can stay up…that I never quite understood, they looked like zombies and communicated like one after day three. Looking back now, I don’t know how any games got made, but they did…we actually got fan mails for some of the AI I wrote for them. One day, I just got bored of partying that way and stopped cold turkey.

So I got a lot of, “Where’d you go? You just disappeared.” It’s always nice to see old friends.

The highlight of the night has to be this hot little Asian gal coming up to me on the dance floor and saying, "Champagne!" I had been re-meeting a bunch of Kerwin's friends, so I assumed this gal was one of them. So I did the polite, "Oh hi, nice seeing you again..." Blah blah...expecting her to leave after a friendly hug. But she didn't go away...instead she said, "You don't remember me, do you?" I looked at her, and said, "Oh...sure, you're um...Darian's friend from Japan?" She's staring at me...then it hit me, she's a good friend of mine from the party past, Clyte. How good? Well, I would be lying if I said I never made-out with her. Hey, now...girls partying together...getting drunk and high together...they sometimes make-out... It's like how you get a bunch of girls in my women's college, there will be pajama pillow fights, it happens. Throw enough girls together and things happen in a realm outside of men's imagination every now and then. It's like the hundreds of monkeys on typewriter thing, only this is hundreds of girls...and instead of composing Shakespeare, you have pillow fights and make-out fest...it's all beautiful. Yeah, I can't believe I completely forgot who she is for a good long while...we've even driven up to Vancouver together and went to some crazy loft party there.

Bandera Mountain

Today looked like it could have been a bad day for sightseeing. The day started out so foggy, but by the time we got halfway through the trail, the fog started lifting.

Bandera Mountain is a fairly decent hike. The beginning parts of it were extremely easy, then when you suddenly split between Mason Lake trail and Bandera, the trail went insane. From the split point, you crawl up the mountain on a boulder field…by crawl, I mean with your hands because the damned thing was so steep. I had to tuck away my trekking poles and start grabbing onto rocks.

Yes, I own yuppie hiking sticks. I bought them with my snowshoes and my knees say, “We loves them.” Why my knees speak in Smeagol grammar, I have no idea…although it would explain why they constantly turn against me at the worst moments on the trails. One minute, I’m hiking along, happy knees, life is good. Next minute my knees are collapsing, and I’m telling my buddy, “I’m not going to make it. Tell my mom I love her. And tell my coworkers if they break my Darth Vader force choking code one more time, I will come back and haunt them.”

Other than the scary boulder climb, the overall hike was nice and uneventful. Most of the hike was out in the open, so you get a lovely view for a good part of the climb. Watching the fog roll up the mountain past you is nice too.

The Fish That Got Away

You know how I can tell when I have too much work to do and too little time to do it? When my dad calls me up to go halibut fishing and I have to decline. *sob* Decline fishing for fishes that weighs more than me...makes me so sad. The biggest fish I've caught thus far is a 23lbs salmon. It was so freaking awesome when I finally got the fish up on the boat then Jimmy, my sister's boyfriend of the time, said, "Bash it on the the head." What!!? Okay, I have no problem with tormenting poor worms with giant hooks or beheading live herrings to use as bait, but bashing in a giant flopping fish is something else.
I can only imagine how strange this must look to the fishers nearby...one minute this little gal was whooping with joy from catching a salmon. Next minutes she's screaming like she's caught a sea monster, trying to dodge its flopping body, failing horribly and getting smacked around by a fish. What did I think was supposed to happen when I land the salmon? Well...I've caught a lot of sea perch, rock cods and trouts up to this point...when you catch those fishes, you thread a little rope through their gills and leave them to swim in the water while you continue to fish. Of course those fishes weigh less than a pound each, but that's just minor detail.
Jimmy bomped the fish on the head for me because I was being such a girl. This is necessary because we were in this tiny dinghy, another two flops and we would have lost the fish to the ocean. As excited as I am about halibut fishing, I'm a bit wary of the knocking the fish out part...we'll see what happens when I finally make time to go.
I think what I need to do is go in hungry, because me vs. fish when I'm hungry, I'm knocking it the fuck out! Just don't get stranded on an island with me...

Mosh and Headbanging

Even though we are in crunch mode at work, doing our death march toward Alpha, I got off work at a decent-ish time. There was still light out, so I decided to try walking in Seward Park with *gasp* some kind of daylight. This first picture pretty much illustrates how the entire walk through Seward Park is. On one side, you have beautiful Lake Washington. On the other side you have the park forest that houses endless boogey monsters and crazy axe murderers. I comfort myself with these thoughts every time I walk here alone in the dark.
The downtown Seattle skyline looks quite a bit better with light...unlike the scaredy-shaky photo I took during one of my night walks. Seattle really is a beautiful place. I always partly torn with the urge to move away and feeling immense love for the place.

<--Exodus headbanging away! My neck currently hurts soooo bad from last night. Good metal will make you headbang. Headbanging will hurt your neck like a mother fucker.


Brian's band, Vulgarizer.-->
I told Brian today that he needs to be a better best friend and shape up. He needs to either have his band play more often so my neck gets used to all the exercise, or play with really shitty bands so that I wouldn't feel like moving a muscle...I can just sit around and drink Pabst all night.
Exodus was really damned good. A few of my coworkers went, some to support Brian, some to see Exodus. They all got blasted and started moshing.
What is "moshing"?
It's how crazy people dance to death metal music. It's really not dancing at all so much as thrashing around in this little circle bumping into each other. The people on the edge of the mosh pit helps to push moshers back into the circle when they thrash outside of it. I see moshing as a gauge to how drunk I am. When I start to think moshing seems like a good idea, I'm drunk.
Really people thrash and bump into everything and everyone in the pit. I'm five foot nothing, which means, in the pit I'm exactly elbow height for most dudes. Getting elbowed and such isn't so bad when you're drunk, but you can't stay drunk forever.
This morning when I got to work, I went to get some painkillers for my neck and I see my buddy Dan getting some ice for his fingers. Apparently he jammed them in the pit. Then I see my buddy Jason with a slight bump above one of his eyes.
Jason got off lightly...last night while I was headbanging near the stage, I looked up and saw my coworker's husband, Cameron...dude had a nasty gash above his right eye...blood was still seeping from it. I asked him what happened, he said something about how one minute Jason kind of looked close to him...then closer, than bam...headbutt. It happens. Brian thinks he fractured one of his ribs. I poked at it, it feels yetchy.
Metal is still such strange music to me. I was a candy raver girl for a long time. That scene is so much more...pretty. You have a bunch of people all hopped up on a potpourri of drugs, dancing shirtless to techno music for hours. Neither scene really makes any sense when you talk about it. It all works out to girls finding adorable ways to look whorish. Good times.
Miguel Migs is spinning in town this Saturday, can't wait. I think of all the music types that I love, I seem to love house the most...especially the stuff that Migs spin live with Lisa Shaw singing on stage with him.

Exodus and Sister

Ever talk to someone and wonder if they hear a single word you say? My sister did hear me despite my being pissed off at her and she right back at me. I just felt that she could do much to improve her current place…she owes it to the people that works for her. I mentioned I flipped out when she wanted to open a new place because I felt that her current place was not ready. When I first told her, she seemed really pissed off at me. And I simply told her…I love you, but you have to understand this goes beyond you and me, I have to say something. I reminded her that she has to take care of the people that work for her right now…it’s their livelihood.

I’m happy to hear that she is planning to not start another place and fix up her place. Tonight, I went to a death metal show where Brian’s band opened for…Exodus. Damned they were good. Actually even the band before them…I fell in love with their drum kit. I don’t understand music like most people; I simply love what I love. I loved the drum kit even when it was tuning.

Mosh pit. I'm not a mosh gal, but when you're surrounded by people you know and trust, you roll with it and they catch you.

Back from E3

I watched my best friend and his brother order some flowers for their mother for Mother’s Day during E3. Brian randomly broke out with, “How much do you think mom is worth?” That’s Brian for you, he says the damnedest things. I’ve been very fortunate in that I never have to think about how much my mother is worth. Every single year since she has divorced my dad, I simple show up at her restaurant for Mother’s Day and work my ass off.

This year, the price tag was a bit heavier. My company bought me a plane ticket for E3 and usually I stay until Sunday to party…so I had them do the same this year. Then I realize Mother’s Day is on Sunday…fuck you E3 for screwing around with the schedule like that. So I paid $110 to have my flight changed to Saturday night. I love my mom, and I actually had a really good time helping out with the restaurant today, but damn, it still stings to lose a hundred bucks and a Saturday night party in Hollywood. Damn.

E3 was awesome, sensory overload as usual, but awesome…I have been suckered into wanting a stupid Nintendo Wii and if the damned thing ever comes out, Spore.

So this little incident happened to me the night before I left for E3. Tuesday night, I called my sister to check if she could give me a ride to the airport…no response. I called my brother who said it wouldn’t be a problem. Few minutes later, he called me back hopping mad because apparently my sister was drunk off her ass, yelling at him while crying, asking him to close out her place and broke her car keys in the ignition. He started bitching about my sister yelling at him before I said to him calmly, “Brother, I love you, I know you need to vent and I would love to hear you out…but you just told me my sister is in her car crying and her key broke in the ignition. I need to hang up right now and check on her. I’m sorry, but you'll need to vent another time.” He was instantly apologetic and mentioned how he has a short fuse and that she really pissed him off. I knew that. I told him it’s fine, I understand, she sets me off when she’s drunk all the time, but I still needed to make sure she’s okay. I called her, and she’s still in her car, completely upset with my brother, so I drove out to get her.

When I got there, my brother was closing out her place so I gave him a hug, said bye, and then went to get my sister out of the car. It was past midnight and freezing ass cold, so I just wanted to get her home. It took soooo much coaxing to get my sister out of the car. She didn’t believe her place was closed even though I promised that I saw my brother close it. She just kept bitching about him…this is why I drove from home to downtown to get her even though my brother is right there. I was afraid of how drunk and pissed off she gets, there was no way in hell she would let him drive her home. It took me a while to convince her to come with me.

Next day, I gave her the keys to my car and a needle-nosed pliers in hopes that she could get the broken off key out of the ignition so that she could use her spare key. My brother drove me and Brian to the airport after she left.

I related parts of the story to Brian and…much later…my brother and they both asked the same thing, “Why do you have needle-nosed pliers?” Boys are weird; they didn’t ask about my sister or anything, they just wondered why I would have some tools lying around. Seriously, I own ZERO bottles of foundation and fuck ton of tools, now stop asking about them.

I later found out that the pliers worked and she retrieved her car with a ride from my brother...in case you actually got beyond wondering why I own pliers.

More Dangerous Than Crack

So I finally made my way down to my drug dealer and picked up the last items I needed for a backpacking trip. Amongst the items was a giant backpack and water filter. I didn't know this, but REI has all these little sacks of weight sitting around so you can stuff your backpack to your hearts content to see if you like it. It’s fun and fucking heavy. The expected 30-35 lbs most people carry is a pain, don’t let those crazy die-hard backpackers lie to you and tell you how “it’s really not that bad” they just want you to suffer with them--misery loves company thing.

I piled everything into my pack when I got home and without the dried food+water it’s all pretty manageable. I checked out my new water filter and found that I have yet another item out to kill me. The warning label is for drops that you treat the filtered water with…meaning I PUT this in my water…shouldn’t that read, “Don’t buy this.”

Now that I’ve got pretty much all of my gear, I’m super excited for my first backpacking trip. As much as I piss and moan about the weight and gear online, I’m actually quite a chipper person on the trail. A big part of it has to do with the fact that I really enjoy being outdoor. The fact that I’m usually too tired to bitch helps my buddies quite a bit too.

Hiking has been a weird addictive drug for me. I started hiking last November with my buddy Daniel, we hiked Mount Si and I was hooked. The hike was really tough for a newbie, but at the end of the day, I sat on my couch not wanting to move, dead exhausted, but thinking extremely clearly and everything made sense. This is like taking your first hit of ecstasy (um, I heard this from a friend of a friend...of course). It’s such an amazing feeling you want to bottle it forever. Of course that feeling is pretty impossible to capture again. Still, I’ve enjoyed hiking very much since then. The problem with all drugs is that you eventually build a tolerance. To regain that feeling, you have to up the ante. Si kicked my ass so hard back in November. Yesterday, it really was a long stroll in the park. Lucky for me, there are craploads of trails within driving distance from Seattle that I can still explore. Backpacking should add a whole new dimension to hiking too.

Unfortunately, hiking doesn’t quite make everything make sense still. I still have a lot of questions about life and what to do next. I found out recently that my boss is getting a divorce…I’m guessing he’s in his mid-fifties. He’s one of those bosses that get people to work their asses off by being down in the trenches with them, which was what ultimately killed his marriage. He was always at work; it makes you feel guilty if you’re not working. He has three kids and a wife at home. It still makes me really sad to think he’s now alone… In his mind, he works hard so that he could give his family a comfortable life. Yet what good is this comfortable life they have if it’s without him? He feels such a duty to the people that pay him well...yet what about the people that he swore to love? My heart breaks for him. He’s just a sweet guy that works his ass off. People do this all the time. They think it’s enough that they work hard for the people that pay them, but neglect everything and everyone else…including themselves. What is it all worth?

Perhaps I shall contemplate this a little while I work on my tan in California tomorrow.

Si without the Fog

The last 5 or so times I've hiked Si, it was covered in fog or snow, so I forget how nice the view can be. Damn it's nice...even with the ominous clouds, it's nice.




Same rock Dennis was standing on from the last hike-->





I couldn't find anyone that was awake, not busy and wanting to hike Mt. Si so I went alone. *sob* All alone. A dog really does sound nice but with my work schedule it wouldn't be fair to the dog. Last night as we approached hour 18, one of the level designer suddenly shout, "Oh my god, my poor dog!" Game developers' schedule isn't too kind on the relationship front from any angle either.

It strange to think I used to (like 6 months ago?) find this hike to be difficult. It's pretty long and time consuming...but not that tough. Of course, I hiked it unencumbered and without severe blood loss this time. Still, hiking alone is a bit more difficult because you can punk out without anyone knowing. I could have photoshop'd that gal into that picture. Which would be a bit loserly...but no one would know. Although taking your own photograph by cheesy hand-length snap is pretty loserly too.
Daniel sent me some of the pictures he took while we were at Pilchuck. The picture of this ledge that we were standing on gives me wobbly-knees just by picture alone.

Going to See My Drug Dealers

What's more dangerous than a drunk driver? The crazy bleary-eyed programmer weaving through morning traffic after programming for 20 hours straight. For most of the night, most of the programmers was waiting on one person to get the central AI system down...we kept playing through the game and fixing random little bugs. Around 4a.m. the system was decently complete, and we all smoke tested it, I plugged in some random holes here and there and did my last check in at 5:03. Yeah, I can't tell you how many kinds of bad idea that might be to have me code during this time, but damned, at least it's done, and it's the best we've ever seen the game.
A few of my coworkers that were making random coffee runs during the night joked about finding a drug dealer for some coke. Worst joke EVER! I would have given my first born for a ball of cocaine last night...drugs are evil like that. No matter how above the influence you are, given the correct circumstance, it doesn't seem like such a bad thing. Of course, now that I'm sitting here at home, I'll tell you I was just joking about the first born for drug thing...hehehe...funny. Joking. Yeah.
I fell into bed around 6:30 and died. Damn my inability to stay dead. Woke up around 10:30. At least I slept well and didn't have crazy dreams about coding (the exciting life of a programmer, yes, wicked and wild dreams about code). I guess since I'm awake, I might as well go see my new drug dealer, REI. I hear tell he's having a huge sale on paraphernalia...I'm in need of some water filtering kit, you know, in case I need to filter some toilet water to cook my crack. I'm a classy gal, I can't just mix my crack with dirty toilet water.
A hike might be nice but who the hell do I know that is awake and not working?

Wishful Thinking

Hehehe, my last post mentioned something about "12-13 hours day"...what wishful thinking. I think we're soooo far past that. You know you're in for a long haul when your coworker hands you a double shot espresso at 2 in the morning. It's approaching 4 and our build is still quite unstable, we're making crazy last minute changes. I'm so tired I could fall asleep sitting up.

Pilchuck Conquered!

It has been three weeks since we last attempted and failed to hike Pilchuck. Daniel just got back from his vacation, so we thought we’d give it another shot. We both brought snowshoes, but thought it might be possible that we wouldn’t really need them anymore. This was sooo not the case. Even though the snow had melted considerably, by maybe 2-3 feet, you still can’t drive your car up to the trailhead. We hiked in with our snowshoes in our packs. The rain was pouring down mercilessly. When we reached the trailhead, a couple was leaving; they told us the trail was still impossible to hike without proper gear.
So, we put on our snowshoes and started stomping in.Snowshoeing was surprisingly easy. I thought it would take some getting used to with these giant doo-hickeys attached to my feet, but I hardly noticed them. They make a WORLD of difference when stomping around in the snow. The first ¾ of Pilchuck was extremely easy to hike, with nice wide obvious trails and steady elevation gain. Closer to the top, things just got scary.
Everything was blanketed in snow and thick fog, you can hardly see ahead, at least the rain stopped. The trails became extremely narrow, sometimes only ONE snowshoes wide, with a steep drop down the side of the mountain if you should happen to slip. Every now and then, we had to debate if we were still on the trail, or if we were following tracks of someone that was lost.
There were times when we had to scale the side of the mountain and it felt like we were hiking up close to parallel to the mountain. I have an insane fear of height, by insane I mean I get a horrible physical reaction of weak-kneed when I look down from extreme height--I had to just keep looking at the trail and not slightly off to the side.

By the time we reached the look-out point up top, I was pretty miserable from being so freaked out. I started wondering why I thought it would be a great idea to hike a place so covered in snow that I had to wear shoes with teeth to get in. It’s obvious the mountain and weather was hinting that I shouldn’t be there. Even the plants looked frozen and miserable.
The little cabin at the look-out point was pretty cool though. It was boarded down and clipped shut, so that hikers can still access it. People had dug an access point to door. With the fog set in so thick, there wasn’t much of a view, but we hung out inside the cabin a bit for some quick lunch. Sitting around was a bad idea for me. Not moving, allowed a deep chill to set in. By the time we geared up to leave, I was sure *sob* I will never be warm again. Yeah, I’m prone to be a drama queen when I’m cold, wet and a bit miserable.

I was very worried about hiking back down in deep snow because of the steepness and snowshoes aren’t that great going downhill. Daniel, said, “Oh no, we can slide back down those hills.” I seriously thought he had gone insane. He said he happens to have extra raingear which is good for sliding because it’s waterproof and slick. I’m still thinking he’s absolutely mad. He then said, “Yeah, hikers do this all the time to save time going down, it’s called “glissade”, and it’s really fun.” I’m still not that convinced, “I can’t believe crazy hikers invented such a fancy word for sliding around on their asses. What is that? French? You’re still crazy you know that, right?” He loaned me his extra rain gear and we were off.

When passed the boulder area leading up to the cabin he pointed to the ground and said, “We can slide down here.” I gave him a dubious look, “Are you sure? This looks steep. What if you gain too much speed, lose control and slam into that tree?” He’s smiling, “No, it’ll be fine, look someone slid down here earlier, there’s a trough here.” Sure enough, there was a very distinct imprint of hiker past’s ass (my money is on pastey white ass, because again, only stupid white people do this).

Daniel went down the trough first. It looked decently safe enough; he slowed down and stopped at a flat spot. I sat down on the snow, looked around a bit, scooted forward, and slid, it took no time to pick up momentum and snow started flying everywhere. I have to say, that was the most fucking fun I’ve ever had while hiking. I was laughing so loudly with glee that had there been more snow, I would probably have caused an avalanche. After that, we were like two little kids stomping around a snow covered mountain looking for spots to slide down. Troughs made by other hikers were the best because you get more momentum from powder packed down by other people's asses. Most of the conversations were: “You think we can steer around that tree?” “Is that a cliff at the end of ledge or just another steeper drop?” We were so busy looking for sliding spots that we lost our original trail and somehow ended up on another trail. We had to backtrack a little bit while following tracks of another lost hiker. Still, we made it out mostly intact.

I probably sound a little racist with my many “crazy white people” comment…but it’s true…I am a little racist, EVERYONE is…and white people ARE crazy. You know out of the 10 or so people we saw on the trail, how many are white? All of them. Actually this is not true, there was that couple that quit very early into the trail, they were Hispanic and sane enough to know to turn back.

What did I do after the hike? I went home, showered in boiling water then went to meet up with my old high school friends. They’re all Chinese, so guess what they didn’t spend the day doing? I made it to my buddy, Nhan’s condo three hours late. By the time I got there, everyone had eaten (it was a potluck type thing) and they were at the tail end of a Guesstures game. Being that it’s an Asian gathering, there’s still enough food to feed ALL of them again and the local orphanage…we haven’t evolved past the fear of being a starving person in China part yet. I attacked some food and chatted with them. We usually get together once every 3-4 months and just hang out. It’s nice. They aren’t drinkers so they’re not exactly party friends, but they’re a big part of who I am, and they keep me grounded.

Today will probably be another work for 12-13 hours day.

Happiness is sliding around on a snow covered mountain on your ass.

Cinco De Mayo

I met up with my sister who was having drinks with Jen and Bob Sapp last night (Jen is dating the big fighter dude) at her place. Bob is an amazingly humble guy. It was really nice to talk to him. He absolutely loves animals and could literally coo about his pets all night (Jen did some serious eye rolls during this). I've been wanting to get a dog, so I love hearing people talk about dogs.
After they left, my sister and I went to celebrate Cinco De Mayo at Las Magaritas. Being that I was in a Mexican joint on their festive holiday I ordered a magically delicious meal of Grilled Ham n' Cheese Sammich! It was so good. We also got handed some free men's large "Viva Corona" t-shirts.
I fell out of bed this morning walked by the mirror on my way to the computer and noticed I was having a fabulous hair day--as in I look like I just had my hair blown dry by a talented gay hair stylist. This is the hair fairy's way of mocking me. It knows I have to put my hair up in braids to go snowshoeing in a few minutes.

The Beginning of an End

I think tonight will mark a night in which my sister will ultimately deal with me. I’ve vented as much as I can by blogging and by bitching to my best friend. I think I’ve decided I’m tired. Period.
I get tired of being diplomatic. Tonight my sister told me of her plans to start a new place, and while I wish I could be happy for her…I simply asked her, why can’t she concentrate her energy on her current place where it is VERY MUCH NEEDED!?
She said her current place will do just fine and that she does not wish to be strapped down to a place like our mom. She wants to open the place and sort of let it run itself instead of spending her time managing it. I simply said, “So you finally admit you intentionally treat the place half-assed?” She looked at me so hurt and disappointed…like I asked if she had her tail and horns sawed off? I simply told her, “I’d rather know that you intentionally treat the place half-assed so I know that you’re intelligent enough to understand what you’re doing.” Needless to say, she looks pissed-off by now. I don’t care. I love her, and god knows she’ll do whatever…I’d rather have a bitchy intelligent sister than a total clueless dumb-ass. So um…if I don’t live to blog for much longer, I love you all.

Simplicity

Programmers are, by nature, simple creatures. Feed us; keep us away from bright lights while working and we are generally happy. Even when working 10-12 hours a day for days on end, I find little things to delight in. I’m so happy to have a camera to capture the random things that makes me smile.
I can be a bit high maintenance at times, but I do enjoy the simple things in life. Random signs and swirly designs in my coffee bring me happiness.